The pod bros will revive their mission to kill non-racialism and feed it to the pigs
In a move more surprising than John Steenhuisen smiling slavishly at Chinese President Xi Jinping, (alleged) racists Renaldo Gouws and Roman Cabanac were kicked out of politics faster than black men at a Steve Hofmeyr concert.
But this move could do far more harm than good as the pod bros — millennial parlance for podcast brothers — have vowed vengeance in the mould of a kung-fu prodigy growing up to avenge the death of his father.
In case you missed it, about two weeks ago, Gouws — who served a mere three months as a Democratic Alliance (DA) MP — was booted from the Smurf party for rattling off a raft of K words like an Afrikaner Adam Catzavelos.
“Kill the fucking kaffirs, kill all the fucking niggers. That’s all I’ve got to say — kill all the fucking kaffirs, kill all the fucking niggers,” the short-lived MP muttered in a now-deleted 2009 video he recorded to rile against anti-apartheid songs that referenced the killing of “boers” as a metaphor for South Africa’s repressive past.
On 12 September, a day before Gouwsie’s removal, his best prejudicial friend forever, Roman Cabanac, was removed by DA leader Steenhuisen as his chief of staff in Papa Smurf’s ministry of agriculture, having started his tenure at the beginning of the month.
Like his BPFF, Cabanac’s sins were to spew a slew of bigoted nonsense, such as downplaying the March 1960 Sharpeville Massacre in which tens of anti-apartheid protesters were killed, as well as calling the cupcake-in-chief, President Cyril Ramaphosa, a poes.
What’s worse is that a day before he chucked him out, Steenie made Cabanac release a public statement repudiating his past “idle and poorly considered” positions — a level of political humiliation that was several degrees colder than the N3 this past weekend.
Now, much of the country hailed Gouws and Cabanac’s removal like they were the 1 000 bottles of baby oil taken from the (in)famous US music entrepreneur and alleged sex pest Sean “Diddy” Combs’s homes as part of that country’s criminal case against the disgraced rap mogul.
I, however, believe that the pair’s axing will restart their mission to kill non-racialism and feed it to the pigs. A task reminiscent of the gruesome alleged murder of two black women on a Limpopo farm.
For example, Gouws and Cabanac have tag-teamed better than Triple H and Shawn Michaels to bellow their bigoted bile, such as in their podcast four years ago when they giggled like the Gilmore Girls while hurling horrid homophobia about Queen frontman Freddy Mercury’s death from an Aids-related illness.
“I mean, I would like Queen — the only problem is, you know, he’s [Mercury] gay… and he died because of it,” Cabanac contended, a vile suggestion that the music icon’s homosexuality caused his death.
All the while Gouws sat grinning like a Chesire cat.
Now that they have been unleashed, what stops them from reviving their Distruction Boyz routine, sans the melodies that won that group a South African Music Award for record of the year?
And why did Steenhuisen hire the two in the first place when there was ample evidence of their errant ways? I honestly don’t know.
However, I posit that the DA leader’s visit to communist China at the beginning of the month could have ignited the egalitarian alter ego he didn’t know he had.
Yes, in a moment as ironic as rain on your wedding day, a free ride when you have already paid, or the good advice that you just did not take — to paraphrase songstress Alanis Morissette — the agriculture minister has seemingly foregone capitalism in favour of the hammer and sickle, such was the charm of Xi during the South African government’s visit to the land of the Communist Party of China.
Be that as it may, Steenhuisen has created a monster that he might not be able to contain because Gouws has indicated that he will not take his removal lying down, asserting that he was “exploring all legal and ethical options available to me to challenge this decision and clear my name”.
The end goal — judging from Gouws’s and Cabanac’s tone on their respective social media pages of late — will be for the pod bros to plummet the DA’s electoral votes harder than Afrikaner nationalist Eugène Terre’Blanche fell from his horse in the early 1990s.